Emigrating is a selfish decision. Yep I’m allowed to say it, I’m the one who emigrated after all. I made my decision knowing that leaving would upset a lot of people and it made me feel like a horrible, awful person. So I done a Q&A with my Mum, to find out the true effect on the family that’s left behind. Hopefully this will be a useful insight for other parents/’grown up’ children who are in the same situation!
One of the hardest things about emigrating is that I can’t help but feel I’m losing out on the precious time I should be spending with my Grandparents (and Parents). I’m in my late 20’s and I feel lucky to still have 2 out of 4 living, they were able to see their oldest Grandchild get married, they even witnessed the proposal (even though it did nearly give my Grandad a heart attack!) and I’m proud to have been able to let them have that experience. They’ve watched me grow up, but have you ever wondered what it was like when they were growing up? ASK them! LEARN from them! It’s amazing and you won’t regret it.
Today, my parents have been married for 30 years. Yay! Go them! I couldn’t have wished for better parents, they are my best friends and my inspiration and I wouldn’t have it any other way. For nearly 28 years I have lived with them at home. I see things in the news saying ‘oh it’s sad, children are still living at home at 30’, yes maybe, but part of me never wanted to move out and it’s not because it’s a ‘cushy’ lifestyle.
How bad do I feel? I’m the eldest ‘child’, my parents had my sister so I’d always have a friend in life no matter what. And now I’m moving 4000 miles away with a whole ocean between us. I hope we NEVER feel like we are an only child because we won’t get to see each other as often as we may like, no matter how far apart we are we will always be Sisters and I’ll always be on the end of a FaceTime call. So this post, is for you, my (soon to be *sniff*) long distance Sister, Lisa.
One of the strangest things about the visa process, is that you have to PROVE you are in a real relationship. Even though you know it’s real, when you send the package off to USCIS, you can’t help but wonder ‘what if they think it’s fake?’. How can you prove that you love someone when it’s how you feel in your heart? You have to get that feeling onto paper and in an official way. The i130 visa application requires you to provide ‘Evidence of a Bonafide Marriage’. Our pack has since been accepted, so what I included was obviously satisfactory. I’m not an immigration specialist, I’m just sharing my experience, please check against official websites in case of changes.
For anyone not aware of my situation, me and my husband are currently still living 4000 miles apart from each other. It’s been this way for over 2 years now and we’re going through a year long visa process so I can go and join him in America as a permanent resident (read more about how our story began HERE). So I’m no stranger to solo travel. I met the other half while travelling solo in Jamaica, we spend hours alone on flights, we only see each other in person a few times a year and he’s lovely enough to not hold me back from travelling when we can’t be together. But being married has changed my view on solo travel.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. When you’re in a long distance relationship, Valentine’s Day isn’t really any different from any other day! Me and my other half aren’t bothered about celebrating it. It holds no real relevance to us (it’s not a day where we met, got engaged and it’s not our wedding anniversary), we’ve spent the last 3 apart and don’t need a certain day to let each other know that we love them. Distance makes us feel a bit like a power couple. If we can get through this temporary situation, surely we can get through anything that life throws at us. Here are 5 qualities that make long distance couples the strongest in the world!
Because of our situation, it was easier for us to get married in a registry office. We were allowed to choose two readings for during our ceremony BUT they weren’t allowed to contain any mention of religion. I had no idea where to start so randomly searched for quotes in Pinterest and Google that would suit a marriage of a long distance couple. The ‘Apache Wedding Blessing’ was on the short list, but these were the two that turned out perfect for us!