Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. When you’re in a long distance relationship, Valentine’s Day isn’t really any different from any other day! Me and my other half aren’t bothered about celebrating it. It holds no real relevance to us (it’s not a day where we met, got engaged and it’s not our wedding anniversary), we’ve spent the last 3 apart and don’t need a certain day to let each other know that we love them. Distance makes us feel a bit like a power couple. If we can get through this temporary situation, surely we can get through anything that life throws at us. Here are 5 qualities that make long distance couples the strongest in the world!
The trust we have in each other is on a whole other level
If there was any sort of trust issues or insecurities, we just wouldn’t have worked being this far apart…or we would have been driven CRAZY by paranoia! It was clear from the start that we had the same outlook when it came to trust. Once it’s gone, especially in our situation, it’s something that would be pretty impossible to ever get back, so why jeopardise it in the first place? (For the record it’s something I could never do to someone anyway!) Being 4000 miles apart and living on 2 different continents, it’s obvious we can’t be with each other all the time…the government and jobs don’t let us…we often go for months without being together. But life doesn’t come to a stop. We still go out with our friends, I still travel, I trust him and he trusts me 🙂
Communication is the key
Going hand in hand with trust is, communication. I’m always open when it comes to communicating my plans. It not only shows that I have nothing to hide, but it gives us something to talk about! Win, win! Another example, is that my other half has always told me if another girl has hit on him while at a bar. I’ve never asked him to do this, he liked to get it off his chest and it’s an honesty I’ve always appreciated!
Word of warning: sometimes written messages don’t always come out the way it sounds in your head! We’ve both been caught out on this then needed to explain exactly what we meant! (I.e. Sarcasm!)
Ignore the negative comments from others
We’ve both experienced negative comments from people that don’t really understand our situation, such as: “you don’t really know each other” and “how do you know they aren’t cheating on you behind your back and keeping it a secret”? It sucks constantly having to explain yourself, but we’ve learnt to ignore it. As we’re the masters of trust and communication, we know in our hearts that we are honest with each other, all we ever do is talk to each other constantly and whenever we are together, we are in each others company 24/7. Our families and close friends love and support us and that’s all that matters!
The visa constantly wants us to prove that we are in a real relationship. When we went to register to get married we got taken into separate rooms and questioned before Jesse got the OK to get married on British soil. The I-130 USA spouse visa needed evidence we were really in love too! It’ll be nice when we’re finally in the same place and no longer needing to explain ourselves! (Post coming shortly on the evidence we provided for the visa…we’ve now been approved! Yay!)
Being in a long distance relationship, isn’t cheap as it is. Including the trip we’re taking together in a couple of weeks, in just over 2 years, our combined flight total is THIRTY SIX. That’s flights between England and Iowa, flights we’ve taken together and flights to various meeting points round the world. It’s a lot, I’m sure you can imagine the cost of all those flight tickets. The last thing I care about, is then getting gifts for birthdays/Christmas/Valentine’s Day. The only thing I ask for is TIME. Because of time differences (6 hours), FaceTime is usually reserved for weekends, otherwise by the time Jesse gets home from work, it’s the middle of the night for me. We make exceptions for special occasions. A real conversation is better than a material object when you’re so far apart from each other 🙂
This is the HARDEST one for both of us! We are the most impatient people! We’ve learnt to live with the fact that the visa is going to take as long as it does. It’s completely out of our control so there’s nothing we can do but sit and wait for when the government decide it’s time to process us. We just have to be in the mindset of “what’s a couple of years compared to the amount of time we’ll get together when it all goes through”. Looking at it now, if at the start of our relationship we knew it was going to be 3 years of being long distance, it’d have just felt like FOREVER. Now we’re looking at the possibility of only 6 months left to go and it’s now whizzing by!
It’s also tough because the visa process has pretty much turned me into an immigration lawyer in the space of 6 months. We’re saving a huge amount by filling out all the forms ourselves but they aren’t always written in the easiest way to understand. You just hope and pray that what I believe is the correct evidence and a perfect form, is exactly what the government is after, because it’s a long ole wait just to be told you’d done it wrong and you’re now at the back of the queue again! It’s testing on us when I’m trying to second guess what’s coming next, so we’re all ready for the next stage, and then having to explain it to someone 4000 miles away, who’s not an immigration expert either. But hey, these things are sent to try us!
So there’s my tips! As it stands today, we’ve been Long Distance for 2 years and 1 month…that’s 754 days. It’s hard, but not impossible. Hopefully my story will give others who are maybe at the beginning, a little bit of positivity and show that there is eventually a little light at the end of the tunnel 🙂